48 Hours Without Technology: What My Family Learned

by Kristen Oliveri

My family and I spent 48 hours electronics-free on our recent vacation to Nevis in the West Indies.

I was inspired by a recent interview I had with a friend, David Werdiger, who has been writing and working on this idea of powerful pauses, time away from screens and prioritizing disconnection for many reasons, among them our mental health.

After my talk with David, I approached my husband and said I’d like to attempt this on our upcoming vacation. We planned to be away for a full week in one location so we could easily let our friends and family know where we would be in case they needed to reach us.

Here were the parameters: we wanted to have our travel day with our devices, just in case something went wrong. That would allow us to settle in, remind family of the dates we were doing it, and prepare ourselves, and our kids, mentally for the next two days.

While our kids are young (6 and 3), they are living a high-tech life. iPads, Disney on repeat, and using tablets in school. We talked about what we planned to do and while they originally balked at the idea, right before it happened, they understood the assignment and seemed to be at peace with it.

We still wanted to document our trip, so we brought one Polaroid camera for the kids and one regular camera. We had to remember film and chargers and cases, and it had been a long time since I did any of that.

I was also given some timely advice before we embarked on this exercise. While chatting with an industry colleague who does great work at the intersection of mental health and neuroscience, he told me that I needed to prepare my mind for what was ahead. So I sat in stillness before our vacation and tried to speak to my mind, in what felt like part meditation, part confession. I wasn’t sure if I was doing any of it “right,” but I did, indeed, prepare myself mentally for what was to come.

So when we arrived and let our family know we were safe, we put our phones and tablets in the safe and we were off to the races.

On the first night, while we were having our first family dinner, I bumped into a longtime friend and travel writer colleague with her family at the very same hotel. Yes, we had both shared how much we loved the Four Seasons Nevis with each other, but hadn’t seen each other in real life in ages. We couldn’t make it happen in NYC, so Nevis it was.

We chatted briefly, but our kids were burnt out from the long day of travel. When we got back to the room after promising to meet up, I realized, “oh no, I can’t text her tomorrow.” Then I smiled and figured, well, if we’re meant to see each other again, we will.

The universe brought us back together the next morning over the incredible breakfast buffet. We hugged again and I shared with her my sheer anxiety over not being able to text her given our no-electronics experiment, and she was blown away. In true Alyssa Shelasky style, she smiled and then got very serious: “You have to write about it.”

“Oh, way ahead of you, my friend,” I said.

It was such a wonderful, serendipitous moment, seeing this longtime friend in an unlikely place, and I took that as another sign from the universe that I was meant to have this break.

And because I had mentally prepared for it, and started to receive signs, I wasn’t sure what was to come next. But what happened was truly remarkable. I felt completely at peace. It was like I finally gave myself permission to breathe. I didn’t need to check three email addresses, multiple social media accounts, check in with family, or coordinate kids’ schedules. I was simply allowed to be, and it was shocking how quickly my body and nervous system adapted to it.

So what happened next? Just living. Truly living.

The kids were more observant and creative, taking in their surroundings and noticing more things than they had before. Fewer tantrums and meltdowns, which my kids are usually pretty good with, but they are human, and it felt like there were fewer overall. No reaching for something they couldn’t have.

For me, my dreams were much more vivid. I’ve often dreamt about family members who are no longer with us and have had premonitions about things in my life, and I had three incredibly important ones during that 48-hour period. While they are too personal to share here, they were deeply powerful. My husband was particularly blown away by one.

Our kids loved the kids club, dinners out with crayons and animal guessing games, and taking Polaroid pictures. I did Pilates by the ocean, and my husband took a tennis clinic. And yes, we even had a couples’ massage.

As we neared the end of the 48 hours, my husband and I reflected on a few things. First, next time we could go longer, perhaps four to five days without electronics. Second, we felt more alive and in color than we had in years. Third, the kids seemed happier and brighter. Fourth, my stress level felt like it was at about a 5%, when normally I’m at a cool 75%.

And while we were recapping all of these things, I got a pit in my stomach. What would happen when we went back to it the following day?

We decided that while we would check in, we would try to limit the rest of the trip to checking our phones in the morning and at night. But the stress was there again, creeping into my nervous system, washing over me in a way that felt all too familiar.

I realized how important this purposeful pause was, and how I should be aiming for it once a quarter. Even if it’s just a normal weekend at home, or during longer vacations with the family. Either way, I realized I need this just as much as any doctor’s appointment, yearly bloodwork, yoga, meditation, and all the other wellness touchpoints in my life. This is for my mind and my stress levels, and it’s non-negotiable in the world we live in.

This exercise made it clear that I need to put stronger boundaries around my device usage, scrolling, constant email checking, and all of the rest of it. It isn’t making me more productive, it’s just making me overwhelmed.

The way I see this going forward is similar to how people approach a yoga practice. This will be a practice. It will take time. And each day is a new day to begin again.